


He's Hurting Me

by thebriars



Series: Eleven Voices [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, F/M, Song Lyrics, i should sleep, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 01:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11325636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebriars/pseuds/thebriars
Summary: Based off of "He's Hurting Me" by Maria Mena.Maria's struggling through her relationship and her inner debate.





	He's Hurting Me

**Author's Note:**

> BEEP BEEP BEEP TW BEEP BEEP BEEP
> 
> There is abuse in this story, so... yeah...
> 
> also, DISCLAIMER
> 
> I do NOT own the lyrics (in italics) or the song. They both belong to Maria Mena, who needs to collab with JCJ asap so we can all be blessed by their beautiful voices.

_I’ve never been confronted by my own thoughts._

Maria tried not to think too much. It was so much easier to play along, to follow their little game. Maybe it hurt, but it would hurt more if she fought back.

 

_They don’t bother me when I’m alone._

 

It was hardest to push the rebellious ideas away when she lay alone in bed at night, longing for warmth and comfort that didn’t come in the form of James Reynolds.

 

_Can you come over, save me, because he won’t stop._

Her fingers hovered over Eliza’s contact. She shouldn’t even have it, but her warm smile had made Maria fall harder than she should have.

 

_Now get him off his fucking throne._

James smiled, his eyes merciless and his hands rough. Maria yelped.

 

_Caution, the floor’s wet in here, been crying._

 

Maria dabbed at the cut, whimpering as the solution touched the wound.

 

_I don’t know why he seems convinced I’m lying._

It had only been a quick trip to the grocery store. That was it. Why didn’t he believe her? Maria was trying, but James didn’t stop. Nothing she did worked.

 

_I don’t know what he’s capable of doing._

Maria had a feeling that she hadn’t seen the worst of James. She felt a storm coming. It wasn’t likely she could weather it.

 

_But he’s hurting me._

Her body ached. Bruises and cuts spattered her arms, her legs, her torso, her neck, her face. Maria carefully covered up the bad ones and pressed on.

 

_It’s not his fault I made him loose his temper._

_I should know better not to talk to loud._

Maria knew she could be doing better. James had been so kind and gentle at first. The only logical explanation was that she was messing it all up. But what could she do to fix it if she didn’t really know what she had done wrong?

 

_There’s no one out there who could love me better._

James really was kind sometimes. He could be sappy and sweet. There wasn’t anyone else who could match that side of him. And Maria was a hopeless romantic at heart, so what was there not to like?

 

_I’m not like you, you are too proud._

People noticed, of course. They noticed now thick her foundation was, how the color of her neck and wrists fluctuated from day to day. The saw the long sleeves and scarves, even as the temperature climbed. They saw her little flinches, the little winces as she moved. But they didn’t understand. They were up on their high horse, looking down.

Or maybe it was Maria.

 

_Caution, the floor’s wet in here, been crying._

They were getting worse. Eliza had noticed the edge of a handprint on her neck. She was worried. Maria was too but not for herself.

 

_I don’t know why he seems convinced I’m lying._

Maria sobbed on the bathroom floor, the tile cold beneath her bare legs. James loomed above her, his face cold and unfeeling.

 

_I don’t know what he’s capable of doing._

She couldn’t drag Eliza into this. She didn’t have the heart to put her at risk. Eliza was innocent. Maria was not. She could suffer through because she’d been doing it since the day she was born. Maria would take the blows. She would take them for Eliza.

 

_But he’s hurting me._

It hurt so much. Pain exploded across her body, but her soul hurt the most. Maria knew she had to get out, but how could she? She had nowhere to go, no matter what Eliza assured her.

 

_Don’t leave me!_

_Please believe me!_

_Baby there is-_

_I can explain!_

_Please love me._

_Please need me._

James dropped her by the door, leaving Maria in a pile of tears and shaking limbs. He snarled in her face, but she wasn’t listening. Because no matter how much he hurt her, Maria needed James there. If he left, she’d be alone in the world. As much as she hated herself for it, Maria needed someone to help her along. She was a prideful person, but she wanted a shoulder to lean on. And she needed money. Maria’s job didn’t pay enough to get her through a month’s rent.

But more than anything, Maria wanted someone to need _her._ And James had, for a bit. She wanted that so badly.

 

_I’ve never been confronted with my own thoughts._

The Schuyler’s place was huge. Maria hesitated on the front step, but she needed an ice pack pronto.

 

_They don’t bother me when I’m alone._

Eliza cried out when she opened the door, a hand flying to her mouth. Angelica came running, sliding to a stop beside her sister.

 

_Can you come over, save me, because he won’t stop._

The sisters helped her inside, trying to disguise sobs with coughs.

Maria didn’t shed another tear.

 

_Now get him off his fucking throne._

**Author's Note:**

> this song is just so 
> 
> maria-y 
> 
> also HEIA NORGE JA VI ER HER OG VI ER HAMILTRASH


End file.
